Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton is the current senator of New York and presidental candidate. She is a beast-demon shat from the rotten scorched bowels of hell, to fight naughty words in video games and boobies on TV, having the government help lazy soccer-moms do their parenting at an even shittier quality than they do. She is also here to promote the war in Iraq and Patroit act, only when it helps her political career. When with her true Democrat friends she admits that she loves flag burning and gay marriage. Hooray! Sent to Earth on October 26, 1947, the succubus has since taken on the form of a female human in order to infiltrate the American population undetected and wipe freedom and liberty from existence (and attempt to show the world that her husband the moron he turns out to be). Comrade Hillary currently holds the office of Junior Senator from the state of New York, and sources say her plans are to start her official reign of terror on America beginning in 2008. She would return again as the infamous Hillary Clinton bot in the First Political War, but would be defeated by the T-800 in 3084. Stephen Colbert has said that she would make a horrible president if elected, quite possibly the worst. Early Political Career While Bill was busy contracting genital warts from homely hillbilly chicks, Hillary spent her early career giving hummers to Arkansas state troopers (and acting as a prostitute). She is known to do the same today, but rather than state troopers, she gives hummers to show favor for her corporate overlords. Points of Interest * While biding her time waiting to unleash hell on American soil, Hillary stayed quite busy (prostitution, of course) overseas by starting the Korean Conflict and Vietnam War. She also helped Saddam Husein take over Iraq. Back in the States, she gave Brian Piccolo cancer in 1969 and killed Elvis Presley on his crapper in 1977. She was not indicted in either case. * In 1992, Hillary became the First Man when her husband Bill Clinton was elected President against the will of the American people (the night before the election, Hillary threatened to run naked from house to house from one end of the United States to the other if Bill lost the election; George H.W. Bush's 80-point lead vanished and Clinton was swept into office). * Today, Hillary continues to be the First Lady by having sex with Bill Clinton in the morning before he moves on and has sex with his interns (Monica Lewinsky). * During the eight years of the Clinton presidency, more people linked to the White House or President/First Lady were murdered or mysteriously died than all the people who died in the American Civil War. Hillary was responsible for all of them but four. Most cases were never solved; Hillary had most of the investigators and prosecuting attorneys slathered with honey and fed to Canadian black bears. * In 1968, the Rolling Stones wrote her a tribute song called "Sympathy for the Devil". 2008 Presidential Race Hillary Clinton is a candidate for President. If she is elected, Colbear will be put in charge of all major government programs, and liberals will try to round up all conservatives. It is the duty of all real Americans to make sure that she is not elected. Any American who feels compelled to vote for Hillary should promptly go to Confession, preferably in a Church. Forgiveness for voting for Hillary will be determined by Stephen Colbert on a case-by-case basis. Hillary Trivia * She observes a strict diet of puppies and infants and Bibles. * Some believe that she is the anti-christ, but there is a case to be made that her daughter, Chelsea (who was fathered by a Demonic Bear) is the anti-christ * She killed her first human male at the age of 14, in the year 1790. * She hates grandmothers and anyone who doesn't. * She is a feminist. * Her shrill voice has been known to cause penis shrinkage and testicular disintegration. * She has 3 pet bears: Patches, Rodney, and Geraldo. She is pregnant with a fourth. * Her vagina is used to store her vast cache of intergalactic weapons. Husband Bill has yet to discover this since he has seen every vagina in America except hers in the last 25 years. * Was the original concept for the character The Joker in the D.C. Comics Batman universe. * Is a Senator from New York who is from Arkansas by way of Chicago, Illinois. But is a true New Yorker at heart. No, really. * Intent on becoming President of the United States of America. *Hillary is also the #2 threat to the male genitals for her vagina is a giant bear who happens to be a liberal. *Has taken $615,000 in lobbyist money, plans to build an elegant lobby with it. * Chances are she is gay, but Bill Clinton hasn't made sure yet.